She Saw It Coming (flash to poem) #fridayflash #amwriting #poetry

frdayflashbadge02

Hello everyone! I’ve been away for a while (due to this thing called life) and have missed you all very much. I look forward to hopping back on the bandwagon soon.

She Saw It Coming was originally a flash I posted on my former fiction site, The Other Side of Deanna. Thanks to the incredibly helpful critique I received [on that post] I realized the story may rather be a poem instead of a flash.

In honor of fast approaching National Poetry Month, (April), I’ve decided to be brave and share the transformation of She Saw It Coming (such as it is: first draft). I appreciate all courteous critique you have to offer. Thanks so much for stopping in and reading!   

National Poetry Month 2013

She Saw It Coming, (originally a flash piece, transformed to poem), by Deanna Schrayer

 

She saw it coming all right. But

she couldn’t stop it.

It would happen anyway.

A swarm of black

birds circled under heaving clouds,

weaving across the nirvanic sky,

a game of hide and seek with the sun.

Hawks? Vultures?

She couldn’t tell.

There was something dead out there though.

Or about to be.

 

Her neck throbbed, held straight back onto her

bony shoulders, to watch those birds,

those clouds, and the tops of the barely –

budding, ancient oaks swaying high

above the scenic overlook, as if their leaves

conducted night creatures and murky

clouds in an orchestrated burlesque.

 

They swayed together in a waltz

performed especially for her pleasure

at especially that moment.

 

Just when she felt sensually dizzy,

marveling at God’s frolicking world, the tallest,

oldest oak groaned a deafening

Crrrrrack!

and fell on top of her,

hammering her petite body

into the ground,

as if she were

but

a mere

acorn.

Yes…..

she saw it

coming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be sure to visit the Friday Flash Community for more great flash fiction by outstanding authors!

Click here for fiction, and here for nonfiction.

Click here to subscribe to This Side….Over Yonder.

P.S. I have been reading, and will update my bookshelf soon. If you’re looking for an exciting read, grab hold of Kate Atkinson’s novels about Jackson Brodie; they’re all terrific (my favorite is the first, Case Histories). 

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “She Saw It Coming (flash to poem) #fridayflash #amwriting #poetry”

    1. Thanks so much Elizabeth! You know I’m still trying to “learn” poetry so your words mean a lot to me. 🙂

Open your mind, open your heart and open your mouth. I love hearing from my readers so please leave a comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s