Hello everyone! I’ve been away for a while (due to this thing called life) and have missed you all very much. I look forward to hopping back on the bandwagon soon.
She Saw It Coming was originally a flash I posted on my former fiction site, The Other Side of Deanna. Thanks to the incredibly helpful critique I received [on that post] I realized the story may rather be a poem instead of a flash.
In honor of fast approaching National Poetry Month, (April), I’ve decided to be brave and share the transformation of She Saw It Coming (such as it is: first draft). I appreciate all courteous critique you have to offer. Thanks so much for stopping in and reading!
She Saw It Coming, (originally a flash piece, transformed to poem), by Deanna Schrayer
She saw it coming all right. But
she couldn’t stop it.
It would happen anyway.
A swarm of black
birds circled under heaving clouds,
weaving across the nirvanic sky,
a game of hide and seek with the sun.
She couldn’t tell.
There was something dead out there though.
Or about to be.
Her neck throbbed, held straight back onto her
bony shoulders, to watch those birds,
those clouds, and the tops of the barely –
budding, ancient oaks swaying high
above the scenic overlook, as if their leaves
conducted night creatures and murky
clouds in an orchestrated burlesque.
They swayed together in a waltz
performed especially for her pleasure
at especially that moment.
Just when she felt sensually dizzy,
marveling at God’s frolicking world, the tallest,
oldest oak groaned a deafening
and fell on top of her,
hammering her petite body
into the ground,
as if she were
she saw it
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P.S. I have been reading, and will update my bookshelf soon. If you’re looking for an exciting read, grab hold of Kate Atkinson’s novels about Jackson Brodie; they’re all terrific (my favorite is the first, Case Histories).